Unlock the power of the perfect gift this holiday season by doing more than just offering material goods. Show your loved ones they're seen, heard, and valued by acting in a way that captures their attention and appreciation, leading to a deeper connection.
Consider Ted Lasso, the beloved Apple TV+ character, known for treating every interaction with genuine curiosity and attention. Even if you haven't watched the show, you've likely encountered people in your life with the rare gift of making you feel radiant. Their presence and shared experiences feel like gifts in themselves.
Sure, not everyone possesses Ted Lasso's charm or desire to shine at every gathering. But for the majority of us, maintaining presence and focus is easier said than done. With the countless distractions and rising anxiety prevalent in our culture, it's understandable to feel disconnected and scattered.
Fortunately, Dr. Nathan Brown, a clinical psychologist based in Bellingham, Washington, has spent almost 40 years studying brain function and attention issues. He emphasizes that attention is like a muscle - one we all possess but need to exercise to strengthen. Even though our culture doesn't offer many opportunities for muscle building, it is achievable through practice.
Let's dive into evidence-based strategies to strengthen your attention muscles and fully enjoy the holiday season.
Check-in: How's Your Focus? 🔬
To gauge your current abilities, try the compassionate attention scale. Developed by clinical psychologist Richard Ryan and quantitative psychologist Kirk Brown, this 15-question scale is often used by mental health professionals.
Fill out the scale by rating each statement on a scale of 1 (very seldom) to 6 (all of the time). This scale measures your attention and awareness to past experiences and events. Higher scores indicate better focus, while lower scores suggest room for improvement.
Once you've built your focus with these strategies, you can revisit the questionnaire and see how your efforts manifest in your results.
Boosting Brainpower: Train Your Attention Muscles 🦌
"If you try to concentrate, you'll get distracted, and it's okay," said Dr. Brown. "Your thoughts might wander 50 times, but as long as you redirect your focus 51 times, you'll become stronger."
Give these four techniques a try to build your focus:
Mindfully Meditate
Studies show that mindfulness meditation has numerous benefits, including improved focus. Even if you're unsure how to meditate or believe you don't have the time, short, consistent practice can still yield results.
A study found that ten minutes of focused meditation per day over an eight-week period significantly improved concentration spans.
Another March 2020 study on participants who had never meditated before revealed that eight weeks of focused meditation improved attention performance and corresponding brain activity, as measured by the Electroencephalogram (EEG).
Pay Attention to Your Breath
Your breath is always happening in real-time, making it the perfect anchor for the present moment. As a life coach, I've employed breathing techniques to help clients reconnect with the here and now. While there are many potent deep breathing exercises, you can start by simply following the path of your breath in and out of your body.
Practice Yoga or Tai Chi
The mind-body modalities of yoga and tai chi allow for deliberate focus on intentional movements and physical sensations. Another effective technique is Progressive Muscle Relaxation, where you focus on each muscle group in your body, tensing and releasing them sequentially.
Engage The Senses
Embrace the ordinary moments of everyday life to truly live in the present. Regardless of whether you're showering, laundering clothes, or walking down the street - take the time to observe your surroundings, understand your situation, and notice your sensory experiences. What have you seen, felt, heard, smelled, and tasted in these moments?
Share Your Presence Throughout the Holidays 🎅
As Dr. Brown mentioned, holiday gatherings and family events can make practicing presence more challenging due to their unstructured nature. These situations often evoke fear of negative or political conversations. Dr. Brown suggests a simple strategy to navigate these experiences: Ask others about themselves.
"Approach conversations like an anthropologist," he suggested. "Try to find out what you can truly understand about the people you are interested in." This approach provides structure and helps you feel more secure in controlling the conversation's direction.
To cultivate deeper relationships, Dr. Brown recommends using motivating interview techniques that delve into why and how people make decisions -such as their career choices, living arrangements, or hobbies. Try asking someone why they chose a specific career, living space, or hobby. "These types of questions can provide you with some insights," he said. Dr. Brown also encourages putting away your phone during conversations to avoid distractions and signal that you are fully engaged.
Embrace the Gift of Being 🎁
As Dr. Brown pointed out, your thoughts will occasionally wander. Create a sense of calm by approaching yourself with friendliness as you work to recalibrate and restore the link to the present moment. Research shows that practicing presence isn't just a gift for those around you, but also strengthens your own mental well-being.
In situations where it's challenging to focus or control anxiety, take the initiative to step away and take a deep breath. Grant yourself the freedom to enjoy all the holiday experiences this season by paying mindful attention to your senses - tasting holiday flavors, listening to the sounds of the season, and fully experiencing each moment.
