Uncomfortable Sequence of Unforeseen Incidents
In the heart of Worcester, Massachusetts, the prestigious College of the Holy Cross continues to be a beacon of intellectual development and personal growth. This week, the campus has been buzzing with a series of unusual incidents involving a student named Piper Guiney '28.
The week started with a tumble on the Dinand steps, a common gathering spot for students. According to Guiney, she fell not due to her own clumsiness, but because another student, wearing her high school softball team merchandise, tripped and sent her tumbling down the steps.
The following day, Guiney had an encounter at the Kimball soft serve machine. The details remain unclear, but it seems a classmate was involved.
On Thursday, Guiney found herself in another peculiar situation at Sweeney Todd, the popular campus restaurant. This time, she was the one causing a stir, with a loud fart that left many students speculating about its origin. Guiney, in true Guiney fashion, blamed the grandma next to her, much to her embarrassment.
Guiney's antics don't stop there. In a recent article published in "Eggplant", she mentioned the Catalina Wine Mixer, a notorious dapper party at Holy Cross, as a highlight of her college experience. Rumours are also circulating about this year's upcoming spring concert, with the Barden Bellas making the shortlist.
It's important to note that this article is satirical and the events described did not happen in reality. The author of these humorous pieces remains a mystery, but Piper Guiney '28 is a recurring character in the satirical articles published in "Eggplant".
The author of The Spire's satirical articles is yet to be identified, but steps can be taken to uncover their identity. Checking the newspaper archives or website, contacting the editorial staff, or looking for bylines in the satirical articles themselves could provide some answers.
This article was edited by Annamaria DeCamp '27, and the featured image is courtesy of Google Images.
[1] College of the Holy Cross website. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.holycross.edu/
[2] Eggplant. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://holycross.eggplant.media/
[3] The Spire. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.holycross.edu/student-life/student-organizations/student-newspaper
[4] Google Images. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.google.com/search?q=College+of+the+Holy+Cross&tbm=isch
[5] Annamaria DeCamp '27. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://holycross.eggplant.media/author/annamariadecamp/
- The College of the Holy Cross students are actively discussing the latest events, including Piper Guiney's misadventures, on their social media platforms, mixing humor with pop-culture references, such as the Catalina Wine Mixer and the Barden Bellas.
- The satirical articles in "Eggplant," featuring incidents like Piper Guiney's antics, are not just entertaining reads for campus students, but have also become a platform for expressing their thoughts on arts, culture, and campus events.
- The College of the Holy Cross campus offers a rich atmosphere for social, artistic, and intellectual events, such as the mysterious author's satirical articles, spring concerts with popular acts, and traditional student-led events like the Dapper parties.
