In the Heart of Adamistan: "I'm Less Entwined with Masculine Ego Today"
"Today, I have reduced my masculine fixation."
Facebook Twitter Whatsapp E-Mail Print Copy Link *Adam Fletcher categorizes a significant aspect of his life as "Adamistan": his inner self, his deepest thoughts, his archival of memories and experiences – sometimes garbled and distorted. It's a secret sanctuary playing host to delusions and false reassurances, capable of guiding one's life off course. Human identity is influenced by this realm, impacting aspects such as masculinity, belonging, responsibility, and independence in Adam's case. The revelation of these hidden truths came due to intense meditation, which he underwent, courtesy of his girlfriend's persuasion.
Dear Adam, your girlfriend, whom you refer to as Evelyn in your book, seemed to be the catalyst for your spiritual journey. How might you put it?
To frame it as a forceful imposition would be a misrepresentation. The word "encouragement" springs to mind, in German terms; she motivated me and guided me throughout.
How did she prompt this idea to bloom?
Our relationship teetered on the brink of collapse when we stumbled upon a "silence retreat" advertisement. I didn't perceive it as a personal or critical issue at that moment. One day, she grabbed my bag, called me back home following my extended office hours, and announcing, "You're going there now!"
Intrigue and Controversy Women often feel frustrated when men underestimate their household contributions. This is an issue that could drive many couples apart, but not Adam and Evelyn.
I regarded it as a challenge, all the more so when she declared, "I don't think you're up for it!"
Unconditional Love?
I have faith that Evelyn acts with good intentions. Our bond grew stronger amidst the mental tumult.
The Tumult of "Adamistan" Was this spiritual realm as tumultuous as one might presume?
Time spent in the retreat was my first encounter with Adamistan, and it was a formidable one. Despite its unquantifiable nature, I couldn't help but write about it in detail for my book due to the struggle to describe it. After a few years of distance, I felt compelled to uncover whether it was indeed describes too. Additionally, I felt there was a hidden message within it intended for others.
The Push and Pull of MeditationMeditation can amplify into a battleground when it's severe and unyielding; when one starts each day at 4 am, lacks even the luxury of books or electronic devices, and isn't permitted to engage with others. The clamor of external stimuli emerges as an escape mechanism, a distraction that we've grown accustomed to not noticing. In simpler terms, I was unable to connect with myself. I yearned for mental peace, an absence of thought. Instead, I obsessed over fleeting ideas instead of embracing emptiness.
The Rewards and Revelations of MeditationWhat did this trying experience offer? What did it uncover?
After enduring physical pain on the third day, which can hardly be described, forgotten memories flooded back. I sat in a seemingly meditative state, focusing on my breathing – until I stumbled upon my former lover who had left me two decades ago. The emotional turmoil was intense. Today, I recognize that I'd drawn the wrong conclusions and shut down my feelings. As a man, I thought I was impervious. It was a self-defense mechanism that may have bolstered my emotional resilience, but also prevented me from wholeheartedly embracing emotions. I wouldn't have realized this without meditation.
The Trees Hold Secrets Were there moments from my childhood that resurfaced during meditation?
Yes, indeed. The silver lining lies in my realization that my relationship with my parents is positive and solid. It provided the foundation for the trust I have in my partners. The dark side involves memories of past experiences, where toxic beliefs about manhood and masculinity likely took root. The underlying theme was: I’m inadequate, I’m failing, and I feel inferior. In real life, these feelings creep up gradually. The meditative reliving of it jolted me.
Observing the Observer When I reflect upon myself during meditation from a third-person perspective, am I merely a distant spectator, or do I truly experience these moments anew?
I cannot speak for others, nor can I say for certain whether my battle against adopting the first-person perspective was more intense due to my writing background. Initially, I felt like an observer rather than a participant during the first few days. I overcame that hurdle by the third day.
Day Four
Intense sexual thoughts plagued me on the fourth day without a moment's respite. These desires caught me off guard, even though I had been warned of their potential intensity.
Evelyn's Share in this JourneyDid Evelyn also bear the emotional brunt and partake in the silent retreat?
Her emotional wounds were certainly raw, given their ties to our relationship issues. I hadn't understood the depth of her suffering, and that's why I wasn't the partner I ought to have been. The retreat helped me face up to my shortcomings.
Newfound Perception Has this spiritual journey impacted your perception of desire?
I find myself less fixated on societal expectations of masculinity. I've become more open and willing to express my emotions. In English, one might say I've achieved a "happy ending."
Interview with Adam Fletcher by Peter Littger.
Source: ntv.de
- Men
- Psychology
- Personal Development
Enrichment Data:Found several books by a British author named Adam Fletcher that touch upon meditation and personal growth. However, no specific book related to the experiences shared in the article was discovered. Additional research or context might help locate the relevant book.
- Through his meditation journey, Adam Fletcher acknowledges that his girlfriend Evelyn played a crucial role in guiding him, not by forcing him, but through encouragement and persistent support.
- During his spiritual retreat, Adam discovered that he had suppressed feelings of vulnerability due to societal norms of masculinity, which had led to delusions and false reassurances within his personal "Adamistan."
- Adam's experiences during the retreat led to a shift in his perspective, enabling him to embrace vocational training opportunities, such as community policy development, that might have been previously influenced by his masculine ego.
