Sixth-generation J. C. Jones, Enduring Embarrassment in the Workplace
Fresh Take:
Groundbreaking Scandal!
Washington D.C.
A shocking event unfolded this morning in the Oval Office, featuring an unexpected visit from the enigmatic figure known as JC - or as some may recall, Jesus Christ. The mysterious figure was on a mission to cleanse the nation, dropping by the White House to rid the country of the turmoil that had been engulfing it.
"Welcome to the Oval Office, JC," beamed the president. "I'm told that the eerie figure at your side is Mary Magdalene."
"You mean whore," snapped the White House lady minister.
"And what's with no tie?" grumbled the vice president. "You look like a vagrant."
"You are polluting this office with your slovenly behavior," scolded the White House press secretary. "You are a disgrace to Christianity. But I wear the cross, see? Where is your cross, hooligan?"
"Keep your worries to yourself," warned JC. "Mary, hold onto my wrathful finger tightly to keep me from doing something crazy."
"And just for the record," said the president, "I know more about Christianity than anyone. I sell Bibles to my followers. For a mere $20,000, you'll receive a gold-engraved edition that comes with a platinum-plated Get Out of Jail Free card. Just flash it to the arresting officer, and you'll be released, receive an apology, and get a voucher for a free meal at McDonald's of your choice. If you mention I sent you, you'll get extra sweet and sour sauce with your chicken nuggets."
"The Bible?" queried JC. "Let me tell you a little secret. I never read it. It's old news from my time. I checked it out on Amazon, and nobody gave it a positive review. Not one glowing quote like, 'It gave me the chills,' from Stephen King, or 'I was on the edge of my seat for hours' from Oprah. 'Thank you, Bible!'"
"Besides," JC continued, "it was written by my brethren. No way they got the story straight. If I read it today, I'd probably have a great legal case. But they're all gone and broke these days. So I skipped it and went straight for the Romance section. Seems I've much to learn since my days of wooing Mary with a net full of fish and a sprig of nightshade behind my ear - I was informed it would drive her mad."
"Let's focus on the issue at hand, Mary," JC suggested. "And that's why I've invited a unique guest."
"Guest?" the president retorted. "I've no one else on my guest list. You two were invited here to receive a tongue-lashing. I'll continue with —"
"But he's already here," said JC. "So, please — for the sake of drama, dim the lights; forgive the theatrics as we exude a dark and sinister atmosphere; sit back in awe as we introduce an individual who is many things to many people. He's —"
At this, Jesus gave Mary a tug.
"I'm typing to Alexa as quickly as I can, JC."
"– a priest, paleontologist, wanna-be exorcist, and one of Hollywood's scariest protagonists," JC spectrally continued. "Ladies and gentlemen... Father Lankester Merrin!"
"Is that Tubular Bells I'm hearing?" questioned the Vice President.
"He's a fictional character," shrieked the lady minister. "Boo! Scheme! Fake news!"
"If I can turn water into wine," said JC, "I can turn fiction into reality. And tonight, I'll take it a step further by introducing the amazingly dark and enigmatic blue-eyed marvel... Max von Sydow!"
"Where's that old devil dog Satan hiding?" asked Max.
"Choose your target, but I'd start with the big man in the red tie."
"Sir, I will now place my hand upon your heart and recite an incantation to exorcise you of demons..."
"Sorry, Max," growled a gravelly voice from within the big man. "That's Satan. I have a confession: he scares even me. Even that little evil mustachioed devil had a dog to keep his dark side in check. It didn't work, but he made the effort. Look around. You see a dog? Of course not. It's been six months, and hell has broken loose. He's got 42 more months to go. I'm just along for the ride, taking notes. I'd preach your sermon from a safer distance before you're all dragged into his circle of despair. Oh, and happy Friday the 13th."
"Well, this assignment has been a thankless one," sighed Max. "Next time, give me a role with Ingmar Bergman involved. At least I'd get to be a little romantic."
"Alexa, stop," said Mary, "Play Spirit in the Sky as we make our exit."
"Our crusade is far from over, JC," murmured Mary. "I'll have more for you on next week's podcast. Until then, peace, love, and eternal hope... despite the odds."
Photo Courtesy of Wiki Commons: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Font_Gate_of_the_White_House_on_...
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In the midst of this unprecedented Oval Office event, a topic of interest on social-media platforms is the unexpected appearance of JC, or Jesus Christ, who brought with him a stirring of pop-culture conversations. As the news of an encounter with Father Lankester Merrin, a legendary figure from entertainment and exorcism lore, unfolds, many are left questioning the lines between reality and fiction.
