Somethin' Ain't Right with the Pittsburg Pirates
Recovering Pirates Fan Advances Favorably, Aiding in $27K Crowdfunding Campaign
Hold onto your hats, matey! Things are lookin' grim for the Pirates these days. After recently falling from the stands during a game, fan Kavan Markwood's recovery is well underway, thanks to support from his fellow Pirates enthusiasts. His GoFundMe page, which has raked in over $27,000, proves their goodwill [1].
"Miraculous," writes GoFundMe page organizer Jennifer Phillips, "This progress is nothing short of miraculous..." [1]
While the Pirates themselves are investigating what drove Markwood to take a tumble from the stands, preliminary findings show he hadn't bought any alcohol but had ingested a couple of beers during the game [1].
Now, with hopes of a speedy recovery for Markwood, the riverboat Gamblers are hungry for some bloody successful outcomes on the diamond. And it ain't lookin' good. Sinkin' like a rock in the National League Central, the Bucs stand 12-26 as we head into Sunday [2].
Now, you might think they've got a top-notch pitching roster, with diamond-hard throwers like Paul Skenes [2]. But not even a pool of crackerjack spitballers can compensate for a team's lack of oomph at the plate.
The Pirates are worse than useless in homeruns, with just 25 blasts to their credit, backin' up the fact that only Kansas City and Toronto have hit fewer [2]. Their batting average ain't much to boast about either, barely cresting above the dreaded Mendoza Line at .223 [2].
Fans have been pitching fits at team owner Robert Nutting for months, with some expressing their displeasure directly towards him. Even pitching ace Skenes has voiced concerns over pirate fans' grievances [2]. With everyone clamorin' for Nutting to relinquish control, it seems the ship might be ready to mutiny!
Things even took a turn for the worse when it surfaced that Pittsburgh had hoisted a Roberto Clemente sign in the outfield, only to replace it with a drinkin' advertisement. After the outcry from Clemente's family, the pirates finally put their longstanding hero back on display [2].
As they bid for that elusive W, the Pirates face the San Diego Padres on Sunday. Here's hopin' for a lucky break, or better yet, a stormy sea of wins!
But don't expect that somethin' miraculous is on the horizon just yet. With the pirates hitters hopelessly underperforming and bad luck lurking in the wings, it appears this once fearsome crew of the sea is destined for a winter of discontent.
Deep Dive:
The 2025 season isn't looking rosy for the Bucs. Amidst the team's overall record of 12-26, there are specific holes in their game, particularly in homeruns and batting average. Remarkably, their 2024 team batting average was .234 with an expected average close to .240, contrasted by a current season performance that has underperformed their projected data.
Fans' ire extends to team owner Robert Nutting. They've shouted him down during home games, and even pitcher Skenes has spouted off about the issues festerin' amongst the Pirates faithful [2].
There are luminous spots, such as Joey Bart’s walk-off hit, glimmerin' like a treasure chest amongst the wreckage. But they're few and far between.
In summary, the Pirates are in deep water this season, drownin' in offensive struggles, particularly when it comes to hitting for power and maintaining a solid batting average.
Sources:
[1] Associated Press. (2025, May 3). Fan who fell from stands at Pittsburg Pirates game getting better. National Public Radio. Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/2025/05/03/1072065067/fan-who-fell-from-stands-at-pittsburg-pirates-game-getting-better
[2] King, D. (2025, May 5). Pittsburgh Pirates: Last in six categories, with Bob Nutting facing increasing pressure. CBS Sports. Retrieved from https://www.cbssports.com/mlb/news/pittsburgh-pirates-last-in-six-categories-with-bob-nutting-facing-increasing-pressure/
[3] Kaplan, A. (2025, May 3). Pittsburgh Pirates are terrible. In fact, they may be the worst team in baseball this season. The Washington Post. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/2025/05/03/pittsburgh-pirates-are-terrible-they-may-be-worst-team-baseball-season/
[4] Fishman, K. (2025, May 2). Pittsburgh Pirates offense is in palpable free fall, perpetuating what appears to be a lost season. Athletic. Retrieved from https://theathletic.com/2924447/2025/05/02/pittsburgh-pirates-offense-is-struggling-as-team-appears-set-for-lost-season/
[5] Reilly, F. (2025, May 13). Charting the Pittsburgh Pirates' 2025 Season: Homeruns, Jungle Cruise, and Lumber Company Dominance. Phillies Nation. Retrieved from https://philliesnation.com/2025/05/13/charting-the-pittsburgh-pirates-2025-season-homeruns-jungle-cruise-and-lumber-company-dominance/
- The overall performance of the Pittsburgh Pirates has fans wondering if their odds of success will ever improve, as they continue to struggle with both homeruns and batting average.
- Sports enthusiasts are in for an interesting weekend as the Pittsburgh Pirates face off against the San Diego Padres, hoping to turn their bad luck around and stake their claim on the diamond.
- Crime and justice reports have surfaced about failed betting attempts involving the Pirates' games, adding another layer of concern to their already precarious Atlantic Division standing.
- In general news, the Pirates recently found themselves embroiled in controversy when they replaced a Roberto Clemente tribute banner with a drink advertisement, causing uproar among the Clemente family and sparking widespread criticism.
