Men Seeking Help for Domestic Violence: Breaking the Silence
Gary Clark, a 63-year-old man, has remained silent about his past experiences of humiliation, stalking, and domestic abuse due to shame and fear of retaliation. Even after fleeing his shared apartment and seeking refuge in a violence protection facility for men, he has yet to share his story with his loved ones.
The Topic of Male Victims Remains Taboo
The number of men seeking help for domestic violence is on the rise, a trend reflected in the utilization statistics presented by the Federal Office for the Protection of Men against Violence (BFKM). In 2022, requests for help in men's protection facilities increased by approximately two-thirds, totaling 421 requests. Sadly, more than half of these men were turned away due to a lack of available facilities.
"Men affected by violence in partnerships remains a topic that tends to cause irritation when discussed," explains Dag Schölper, managing director of the Bundesforum Männer, at the BFKM presentation. Despite the fact that domestic violence often involves male perpetrators, there is a general lack of awareness about the prevalence of male victims.
According to the Federal Criminal Police Office (BKA) situation report on domestic violence, 76.3% of suspects were male in 2021, accounting for 28.9% of victims. The number of male victims was particularly high among young children, with 3,192 boys and 2,993 girls affected.
The Challenge of Seeking Help
Even though the number of male victims is significantly lower than female victims, it is essential that they receive the same level of support. Almost all the men who sought help reported experiencing psychological violence, such as verbal abuse, stalking, and boundary violations. Over 70% were also victims of physical abuse.
Partners were responsible for most of the violence (45%), but parents, siblings, and neighbors were also identified as perpetrators. Seeking help often requires a significant amount of effort, especially for men who have grown up in conservative environments and fear being perceived as weak.
Breaking the Shame and Silence
Gary Clark, a survivor of domestic violence, underwent a cloak-and-dagger operation to escape his abuser and is still struggling to come to terms with his past. He acknowledges that he blamed himself for too long and continues to feel embarrassed discussing his situation.
However, Jana Peters from the BFKM agrees that many men feel ashamed or lack awareness that they are being subjected to violence. Peters believes that societal perceptions, which may classify fights as normal, contribute to the underreporting of domestic violence among men. This is why raising awareness and destroying harmful stereotypes are crucial.
According to Frank Scheinert, the managing education officer at the BFKM, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Scheinert advocates for the establishment of more men's shelters to meet the increasing demand for support and provide safe havens for men in crisis. Currently, there are only 41 places available for men and their children across Germany, and eleven federal states lack any such facilities.
To find more information on resources for men seeking help with domestic violence, visit .
The increasing recognition of male victims of domestic violence is a positive development, but the stigma surrounding the topic remains. As a society, we must do more to support men facing domestic violence and raise awareness of its prevalence. [Crime, Domestic violence, Protection of men]
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Enrichment Data Integration:
According to a study by the German Institute for Service Quality (DIS), men are less likely to seek help for domestic violence due to societal norms and the fear of being perceived as weak or unable to protect their families. Furthermore, men are less likely to recognize domestic violence and seek support earlier in the relationship, which often results in more severe consequences.
To combat this, the BKM is advocating for increased awareness campaigns targeting men and using non-traditional methods to reach high-risk groups, such as sports clubs and digital platforms. Additionally, the BKM is working to improve the availability and accessibility of men's shelters, including providing training for shelter staff on how to better serve men and their unique needs.
By addressing these barriers and implementing targeted strategies, the BKM aims to increase the number of men seeking help for domestic violence and provide them with the support they need to escape their abusive situations.
