Navigate difficult discussions with your superior employing this tactic - Mastering tactful dialogue with your superior: a guide for navigating awkward office interactions
Diplomatically Navigating Tough Chats with Your Supervisor: Tips and Tricks
- By Victoria Robertz
- ~ 4 Mins
Let's face it, awkward workplace situations are par for the course. But when it comes to having a tricky discussion with your boss or manager, the anxiety can be off the charts. Whether it's about your own blunders, criticism of leadership, team squabbles, or personal troubles, a smart plan for tackling such talks can turn even the most uncomfortable conversations into a win.
Emotions Often Spark Unpleasant Chats
Maximilian Krüger, a personnel consultant and manager, pinpoints three typical errors employees often make in challenging conversations: For starters, many enter with raw emotions which can negatively impact the outcome. Krüger states that emotions are the most common source of strained chats in the workplace. Second, many are afraid to be completely honest, and third, many employees consider the convo solely from their viewpoint and fail to put themselves in their supervisor's shoes. However, switching perspectives is crucial to find a workable solution for the predicament.
"More often than not, a resolution will emerge in a compromise that benefits both parties," he notes. "A company thrives most when its employees can reach their full potential - and that should be the goal of such a conversation."
But many adopt a hostile stance right off the bat, which is where the issue begins, asserts coach Felicitas Kapp. "The convo starts even before it begins – with your own negative frame of mind," she states. "If you already think the conversation is probably going to go badly, it triggers various unconscious effectors, such as on your body language and voice, and on the phrases you utilize."
Approaching the Conversation with Confidence and Assertiveness
For Felicitas, proper convo preparation is vital since it allows you to speak with conviction. "A positive outlook sets the tone for a more confident and assertive approach, without being confrontational," she states. This also means viewing the conversation as a two-way street rather than attempting to impose your viewpoint. "Preparing for a conversation like this often focuses only on your perspective, but in the convo, it's about both viewpoints. The strategy in the convo is to actively listen instead of just talking," she says. Career coach Sarika Kötter simply advises accepting that it may be uncomfortable. "Anticipation softens the blow," she says.
Even personnel consultant Krüger considers comprehensive preparation to be decisive, especially when employees initiate the discussion themselves. "Managers have certain expectations of employees who raise complex topics," says Krüger. "They should communicate this early and keep personal feelings out of it." It's helpful to reflect on convo preparation: Where do my emotions stem from? Are they a result of false expectations or based on past negative experiences?
To guide the conversation constructively, both employees and leaders should adhere to a clear structure. "State the problem initially, then elaborate on the impacts, and finally present solution proposals," says Krüger. "If no solution is known, it can be openly stated so that it can be explored together in the conversation." Both sides, particularly in the initial phase, should maintain neutrality in their descriptions of the 'current situation.' As an employee, one should not assign a value judgment to one's own statements. "As soon as a value judgment is introduced into the conversation, the boss will also add their own value judgment, making an objective analysis of the situation difficult," he says.
If it's a criticism discussion, employees should let the boss finish speaking, accept the criticism without immediate evaluation, and refrain from launching counterarguments immediately. However, it's essential to clarify if anything is unclear. "Before the conversation concludes, it should be ensured that the sender and receiver have the same understanding of the criticism," says Krüger. "This 'clarity circle' not only aids the boss in reflecting on their message, but it also guarantees that the employees fully comprehend what is meant."
Utilizing I-messages when addressing your boss
To project self-confidence in the discussion, Felicitas Kapp recommends maintaining eye contact and sitting upright. "Remaining calm and avoiding being provoked is crucial," she advises. To achieve this, take at least five deep breaths in a row to avoid responding from an emotional outburst. It is also helpful to present your thoughts from the I-perspective, an element of non-violent communication. Instead of saying "You are incorrect," for instance, "I disagree."
Kapp also advocates for I-messages like "I perceive that" or "For me, it looks like this" because no one can dispute them. This way, you stay focused on your perception and avoid violating the other person's space. However, she recommends against overly rehearsed phrases. "If we merely recite memorized lines, we are inauthentic and at the mercy of the other person's discernment.”
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- Supervisor
- Job
- Leadership
Key Insights:
- Prepare by clarifying the issue, gathering evidence, setting goals, and practicing active listening.
- Initiate the conversation with a positive outlook and approach it as a two-way exchange.
- Use I-messages to communicate effectively and maintain confidence.
- Avoid common pitfalls, such as delaying discussions, becoming defensive, or lacking clarity.
- Implement a clear structure, emphasize mutual respect, focus on solutions, and use positive communication to guide the conversation.
- After the chat, document agreements and track progress. Good luck, and happy chatting!
- In his conversations with employees, Maximilian Krüger, a personnel consultant and manager, asserts that approaching difficult discussions assertively is crucial, especially when dealing with sensitive topics like job-related concerns or criticisms of leadership.
- In the article titled Diplomatically Navigating Tough Chats with Your Supervisor: Tips and Tricks, Coach Felicitas Kapp suggests that preparing for the conversation with a positive outlook and viewing it as a two-way street instead of an imposition of one's viewpoint can lead to constructive and collaborative solutions.
- Krüger's comprehensive preparation strategy includes reflecting on the motivations behind one's emotions, understanding the supervisor's perspective, and utilizing I-messages to project confidence and maintain a respectful dialogue. A clear structure for the conversation, focusing on problem statements, impact, and solution proposals, is also emphasized in the strategic approach.
