The Senate Prez, Godswill Akpabio, Slams the Nation's Wacky Population Stats, Urges Immediate Census
"Lamenting the Unknown: The Regrettable State of Ignorance Regarding the Number of Nigerian Citizens" - Akpabio (paraphrased)
Godswill Akpabio, the Senate President, is sick and tired of the nationwide chaos caused by inconsistent population numbers, doubling down on his demand for an immediate national census. This shocking revelation comes after a visit by the National Population Commission (NPC) at his office on Wednesday.
According to our sources, Akpabio ain't holding back, stating that Nigeria can no longer afford to rely on ancient or contradictory population estimates. With the last official census held a whopping 15 years ago, it's high time we left the guessing game behind and got some real numbers!
He goes on to call out the national embarrassment of Nigerians discussing their population numbers with wildly varying, contradictory statistics. We're talking 250 million, 270 million, and over 300 million—it's driving him nuts!
Akpabio emphasized that the census is a key aspect of our long-overdue future development, axing the confusion that plagues our nation and finally allowing us to plan for the future with precision. He hinted that the National Assembly will lend their full support to the upcoming census.
"I ain't callin' it a national disgrace, but let's call a spade a spade," Akpabio said. "It's about time to kick this mess to the curb and clear up the uncertainty."
He continued, "Any city that doesn't know its population is already on the path to disaster. We got mouths that need feedin', kids that need educatin', and we can't do none of it without knowin' our numbers!"
The National Assembly will back the NPC all the way, according to Akpabio. "With the caliber of folks I've seen here, I'm confident you lot will rise to the occasion," he said. "And the Senate, we'll be supportin' you every step of the way."
So here's to a future filled with certainty and accurate numbers, folks! Let's get that census on!
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During the Senate President's call for an immediate national census, Akpabio also addressed other aspects of politics, stating, "It's time we left the guessing game behind and got some real numbers for our policy-and-legislation." Akpabio also expressed his concerns about the general news, stating, "Any city that doesn't know its population is already on the path to disaster." Lastly, with the Senate's support, the upcoming census will aim to provide accurate numbers for the nation's population, often referred to as Naija, helping to improve future development and planning for services such as education and social welfare.
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