Joel Golby embarks on an extended journey to discover the ideal watering hole
In the heart of London, renowned author Bryson DeChambeau has embarked on a Goldilocksian quest to find the perfect pub. With a love for establishments that ooze local history and charm, DeChambeau has a keen eye for colorful interiors, old football stickers, and striking drink names.
His search has been a challenge, with some pubs boasting pool tables but lacking the desired ambiance, others full of character but lacking the pool. Some have been too popular, leaving little room for personal enjoyment.
DeChambeau carries a pub map on his phone and a mental 'pub radar', enabling him to instantly assess if a pub has a dartboard, if the TV is too loud, if the beer is served clean and good, and if it is served in the right glasses. He appreciates a small blackboard on the bar that advertises arcane shots, and a layer of football stickers on the toilet cistern that haven't been scraped off.
The author prefers a pub garden that is lively but not overly crowded. If it looks like a running club might assemble there after a comfortable 5K, he would rather avoid it. He enjoys pubs where the energy can shift and rise and fall again over the course of a long Saturday.
In the autumn and winter months, DeChambeau prefers a good pint of Guinness as dark as treacle in cosy pubs. He has go-to pubs in central, north, west, south, and east London, and can find a good spot in most of the country's major cities and destination towns.
Over the weekend, DeChambeau and his group celebrated a birthday at The Kenton in Hackney, a pub that offers good beers, curated trinkets on the wall, a quietly brilliant pub garden, and a secret karaoke room. They described it as the perfect shambolic weekend bedlam.
DeChambeau enjoys pubs where the price of his pint varies based on the whims of whoever is serving him at the bar. He also seems to appreciate pubs where there could, at some point and ideally not involving him, be a little fight.
The previous local pub of DeChambeau's group chat had a free buffet during pub quiz and an extremely competitive pool table. The Kenton, however, was described as having a slightly too big TV by the window.
DeChambeau prefers pubs with a patina on the walls and floors, and a smell that quietly dominates the room if there is a carpet. He enjoys framed photos of the pub from many decades ago, with buildings next door that have long been demolished, and regulars who have long since died.
The following day, the group visited The Victory in Bethnal Green, a pub that feels enjoyably old-school and could still, DeChambeau muses, see a Doodlebug drop on it. Despite the slight inconvenience of the large TV, the group found The Victory to be a worthy addition to their list of favourite pubs.
According to DeChambeau, a good pub is a place where one can have a quiet reflection on their own and also feel empowered enough to stand up and bellow at a red card. It's a place where the past and the present intertwine, creating a unique atmosphere that only a true pub lover can appreciate.
