In the Oval Office, considerable change: Merz, Transforming Trump's Confidant into a Potential Victory's Architect
Title: Berlin Tag & Trump's Favorite Chucklehead: How Merz Outshines 'Em All in the Oval Office Hoedown
Author: Marie von den Benken
Calm Ain't Just a River in Egypt – It's Friedrich Merz's Governor in the White HouseIn a week like no other, Berlin's breezy autumn weather, unsurprisingly, didn't phase the Merz administration, having been in office for barely a month. The perfect timing, then, for this column to unleash the winners of the Merz-led era's early-game copious takings. This accolade, of course, changes faster than a chameleon on crack; today's king to tomorrow's jester.
Remember Icarus, mythical winged adolescent, crashing down like a ton of bricks? Neither did he, sensible soul. The Greek legend reminds us that no matter how high you climb, hubris will always ground you, for better or worse. Nowadays, we see Icarus' spirit more akin to the FC Bayern Munich's attempt at mowing down Florian Wirtz. Icarus, for the linguistically adept beer-swillers reading this, didn't create a new electric car on the streets of China, but Daedalus’ dimwitted offspring. Daedalus himself, for the record, was the gizmo genious of ancient Greece, inventing an aviation device with wings fabricated from feathers bonded with wax. Icarus? Well, he'd rather drown in his own hubris.
Politics: Fair Play, Fairly PaidWhat Went Down in the White House, Merz-styleNow, onto business. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present the week's big winner: none other than Friedrich Merz himself! In the wake of the asylum rejection disaster at the beginning of the week (set aflame by the Administrative Court Berlin), Merz orchestrated an exceptional comeback – quicker than Beyonce's troupe can Santorini-ise a beach! With an air of insouciance that would make the Dalai Lama blanch, Merz pulled off a jolly good show with Donald Trump, America's greatest ally (at least for now).
1949, by the way, marked more than Merz's 74th birthday; it also dawned upon the world as Horst Seehofer and Bruce Springsteen came out of the womb. Yep, you heard it right. The two are younger than wrinkled bananas, but Seehofer's star didn't shine quite as bright while ol' Bruce is doing alright, thanks to his positioning towards Trump.
Let's Talk About Meat (And Other Matters)Friedrich Merz's White House visit certainly reimbursed his insurance company's Capitol wallet. Quite the reverse of the Ukrainian president Volodymyr "Why don't you wear a tuxedo?" Selenskyj, Merz's diplomatic feats graced even the presence of Trump's Vice President and Crisis Caveman JD Vance. And contrary to expectations, the tête-à-tête lasted well over a quarter-hour – a full 40 minutes, dammit! Even Berlin's illustrious Mayor couldn't get caught off guard by that one.
Politics: Get Ready to Rumble – Trump's about to Throw DownC.I.A. Files, Be Gone! Musk Vows to Expose Trump's Sordid SecretsNot wanting to play favorites (well, maybe just a tad), Merz treated the listeners to some classic beefy English dialect; leaving the legionnaires of turbo-feminism (a group always eager to skewer credibility-challenged foreign ministers) green with envy. Bah! Naysayers' utter naivety. Merz wiggled his way in Trump's book of approved guests, earning himself an elusive compliment that the big man seldom bestows.
Hanging tough during handshakes wasn’t merely a Capoeira trick Merz whipped out – he entered the fray and slapped his mitts down with an iron grip. Trump, we know, is famous for his handshake-gone-wrong fiascos, but Merz's vice-like grip put the hammer down on those Israeli Prime Minister Shinzo Abe episodes, where Abe's hand practically morphed into a lifeless grapefruit. Macron, France’s suave politician-cum-grease monkey, established a reputation for wrestling Trump head-on with handshakes that left Merz confidently believing he could outlast any adversary.
In the hot, sandy trenches of Washington, D.C., cynics might've expected blood and that kidney-punching kind of brutality, but Merz's Hollywood moment unfolded in a uncharacteristic display of friendliness. Press reporters rolled up with anticipation of a potential Merz-pummeling, but found themselves pleasantly surprised. German-American diplomatic ties remained unblemished, and the world anxiously anticipated Trump's influential turn of the rotor.
Sources:
- Donald Trump
- Friedrich Merz
- Washington D.C.
- Diplomacy
The Commission has also been consulted on the draft budget, as the White House diplomatic meetings between Donald Trump and Friedrich Merz showcased their political strategies. In this general-news context, Merz's successful negotiations with Trump serve as a testament to his ability to navigate politics fairly, while maintaining fair pay for his team.
