For Those Averse to Cleaning Yet Yearn for Orderliness, These 27 Effortless Tools Will Ease Your Tasks.
Lemme Tell Ya' Sweethearts: The Sickest Hacks to Clean Ya' Home Like a Boss! By your Fuckin', Badass Buddy, Hank!
You ain't gotta struggle no more, mates, cleaning up that messy shit-hole you call a home! Let's face it, you're stressed the fuck out and most cleaning products out there are a bunch of broken promises. But worry no more, my friends, because I'm here to drop some serious knowledge on you, and it ain't just 4-syllable words that no one else understands!
Here are some life-changing cleaning products I picked out, selected by yours truly, that other boring motherfuckers can't seem to get right. I promise ya, these ain't your mama's cleaning supplies:
- For Pet Parents With Special Issues: ChomChom Pet Hair Remover! Oh hell yeah, it's the giant mouse that sucks up all that fur your fur babies can't seem to stop shedding. With a wave of this rodent-looking cleaner, you'll be free of all that pet hair. Ain't nothing but net, my friend!
Customer Review: "Listen up, ya damned cat and dog lovers! You goddamn care too much about your furry loser pets. I have three indoor cats (goddamn seniors!) and they've started shedding their damn fur like it's nothing! 'Midst my collection of 12 goddamn hair removing gadgets (yikes), not a goddamn one came close to this fuckin' ChomChom masterpiece! I used to have to time my stupid ass hair removal sessions to right before I showered because I'd be soaking in sweat by the time I finished! Not anymore, bitch! ChomChom took all the damn fur off my couch in less than 5 minutes, and I didn't even break a sweat! I stood up and examined my Goddamn couch, shaking my head in disbelief, because I didn't believe the fur had actually come off, but I popped the button and it was all in that compartment you goddamn squirrelly cleaner! Seriously, my God damn self-pity will be vanishing because I'm considering having guests over into my home again...going out to make some Goddamn friends right now!" -A.W.
Get it from Amazon for $24.99 (also gets ya a black one, too.)
- The Shit They Don't Want You to Know About … Your Coffee Maker! K-Cup Cleaning Pods, my dudes, you gotta face the goddamn shame of that coffee maker mess, 'cause we all know deep down you ain't been keepin' up with it. Brew a large cycle with one of these bad boys, and you'll clean the hell out of the mess.
Customer Review: "Ya, holy shit, this thing is scary! I didn't know how bad our Goddamn Keurig was until today. The big ass mason jar on the left is when I actually ran the cleaning pod through plus one rinse cycle. The middle jar's a rinse cycle, and the last goddamn jar on the right is the last one I did. So yeah, I thought I'd run two or three rinse cycles instead of the recommended one. But it's still a fuckin' amazing product for the price, man! I have a 2.0 and I had no issues! So go ahead, clean up that Goddamn money-maker and have a better cup o' Joe!" -Mads0421
Get a pack of six for $9.95
- The Most Freakin' Miraculous Cleaning Paste in the Game: The Pink Stuff! Ya heard me, now stop drooling and pick this shit up, because it'll purge your home of those damn tough stains you've been banging your Goddamn head against for, like, years.
BuzzFeed Shopping writer Britt Ross tried The Pink Stuff and said: "Upon moving to a new house, I discovered I'd inherited some not-so-well-maintained white bathroom tile, with white grout to match. At least, the grout had been white at one point. Woof. After reading nothing but raves about The Pink Stuff, I decided to see how well it'd work on what had probably been my most trying cleaning task to date. I'm happy to report that after just a bit of light scrubbing, The Pink Stuff was able to lift all that muck off of the grout, revealing a much lighter surface underneath (GIF for proof!)." -Britt Ross
Fan Review: "I'm in love with this Goddamn product! My 2.5-year-old grandson drew a happy-ass face on my couch with a Goddamn permanent marker. I tried everything to get it off, but nothing worked. Then this shit came along, and it was gone in less than a minute! I immediately went and tried it on my stove, and OMG, I'm in love! It took out those tough stains I couldn't get off the stove with anything. I'm never looking back, man! I can't fuckin' wait to try it on some more stuff!" -Happy Customer
Get it from Amazon for $5.97
- Leave Your Shower Spotless, FOR REAL: Wet & Forget Cleaner for your dirty-ass shower. With you, mates, it's always mildew and mold, aren't ya? Spray it once a week, let it sit, and rinse it clean, and you'll have a shower that looks brand fuckin' new!
Fun Fact: Each bottle of Wet & Forget lasts for 12 weeks' worth of treatments.
Ass Kisser Review: "I debated getting this fuckin' thing, read so many reviews, and bought it. No regrets! Absolutely love it! Let it sit for hours, and it wiped away with so much ease. No need to scrub, and I didn't even break a sweat!" -Stephanie Mueller
Get it from Amazon for $20.98
- Clean Your Goddamn Carpet Like a Boss: Folex Carpet Cleaner, a water-based cleaner that'll handle ANY mess. No more using harsh Goddamn chemicals that leave lingering stains and odors. Apply a generous amount on the spot, gently work it in, and voila!'
Enthusiast Review: "I just damn near cried when I realized this shit actually took the Goddamn hair off my fucking couch and put it in the compartment! I was dripping sweat while cleaning with my other tools, and this shit allowed me to remove every trace of Goddamn pet hair from my sofa in less than 5 minutes! I stood back and examined my sofa, shaking my head in disbelief, because I didn't believe the fur had actually come off, but I popped the button and it was all in that compartment you Goddamn squirrelly cleaner! Seriously, I almost cried..." -Carobnty
Get it from Amazon for $6.65 (also available in bigger and smaller sizes, for ya pussies that need a value pack.)
- Washing Machine Cleaning Tablets: Because you've been dealing with dirty loads that are getting filthier because of all the messy Goddamn grime in the washing machine itself. You'll have a machine that looks fucking brand new!
Practical Verdict: "I was hesitant to order this, but it went on sale, so I did. It is the fuckin' only thing that has actually worked. The first time I had to use two because the odor was strong, but it did wonders. I've run the washer with this stuff for two months now, and no odor is coming out. This is one product I'll continue to order." -Klove78
Get a pack of six tablets from Amazon for $11.95 (c'mon, you need a value pack)
- That Gross Ass Jetted Tub: Jetted Tub Cleaner, to make sure no Goddamn previous owner's gunk is lurking in there. Turn your Goddamn water on, add the cleaner, and tweak on those jets!
Hilarious Testimonial: "We bought a house with a jetted tub in December. Despite several DIY cleaners, the Goddamn jets still had a funky ass smell. Gotta admit, I was hesitant to buy this shit after seeing it on YouTube, but did not regret my purchase! Gotta say, motherfucker, the amount of gunk that came out of the Goddamn system was 'ewwww!' Bonus is my entire bedroom suite smelled clean after using!" -Meganb
Get it from Amazon for $17.84
- An All-Natural Oven Scrub if you've been avoiding the oven 'cause you've got no idea how the hell to remove all that old-ass food stuck in there. With this shit, you'll be shocked by how quickly and easily it removes those stains you've been fighting for God knows how long.
Over-The-Top Review: "Upon moving to a new house, I discovered I'd inherited some not-so-well-maintained white bathroom tile, with white grout to match. At least, the grout'd been white at one point. Woof. After hearing nothing but raves about The Pink Stuff, I decided to see how well it'd work on what had probably been my most trying cleaning task to date. Well, I'm happy to report that after just a bit of light scrubbing, The Pink Stuff was able to lift all that muck off of the grout, revealing a much lighter surface underneath (GIF for proof!)." -Britt Ross
"What can I say? I love this Goddamn product. My daughter drew a happy-ass face in the bathtub (with a permanent marker). I tried removing it with everything I could think of, but nothing worked. With this paste, it was gone within less than a minute! I immediately went and tested this shit on my stove, and OMG, I'm in love! It took out those tough stains I couldn't get off the stove with anything. I'm never looking back, man! I can't wait to try it on some more stuff!" -Happy Customer
Get it from Amazon for $5.97
- Mold and Mildew Remover Spray: Defeat that shit before it gets worse. This fucker'll clean your kitchen, bathrooms, patios, fuckin' everywhere!
Review: "I debated getting this fuckin' thing, read so many reviews, and bought it. Absolutely love it! Let it sit for hours, and it wiped away with so much ease. No need to scrub, and I didn't even break a sweat!" -Stephanie Mueller
Get a 32-oz bottle from Amazon for $16.99 (also available in three other sizes.)
Everytime ya see that disgusting shit here, just remember, it's straight from Hank, so keep it classy, my friends!
Peace out,Hank.
Here are three sentences containing the given words:
- Fur-laden homes can be tackled effortlessly with the ChomChom Pet Hair Remover, the giant mouse-like cleaner that efficiently dispenses pet hair.
- For those seeking a cleaner for their coffee maker, BuzzFeed recommends the K-Cup Cleaning Pods that buzz through the mess for a fresh coffee experience.
- With the Pink Stuff, users can apply filters to remove tough stains, ultimately helping to dispense a cleaner appearance for their home.
