Unraveling My Secret Liaison with a Married Man: "Living a Hidden Life"
- narrated by Katherina Hoch
- 4-minute read
Double Life Unveiled: A Family Man's Secret Romance Revealed - Covert relationship with a married man: "We secretly lived a life apart"
Over one-third of Germans have strayed from their marital vows at least once - but what drives this secretive yearning for an affair? In Stern's series "My Affair", individuals candidly discuss covert relationships, hidden desires, and moments when loyalty takes a backseat.
The toughest part was when the phone rang, his wife on the line. If we were merely lounging on my couch, a WhatsApp message from her would come in, and he'd excuse himself, "I've gotta take this." That was a challenge. Yet, over time, I got accustomed to it. I became a wizard of denial.
I was nearing my forties and freshly divorced when I crossed paths with him. I'd just embraced my newfound liberty and had no interest in surrendering it. But his charm was captivating. He was charismatic, eloquent, and had a great sense of humor. We'd casually meet for coffee, dinner, or just a quick phone call. It was quite enjoyable. Until he dropped the bombshell - he was taken. My initial thought: "Time to cut ties."
I distanced myself, ignored his messages. But then, he reached out again. I was flattered by his determination. We rekindled our relationship and inched closer. And that's when our affair began.
In retrospect, I realize I was grappling with low self-esteem at the time, and this whole charade provided a drug-like high. I chose to ignore the predictable crash that would follow such an euphoric rush.
- Illicit Love
- Concealed Relationship
- Adultery
- Doubling up Life
While data on the German psyche behind extramarital affairs is scant, we can draw insights from broader psychological factors that may influence such behavior. These elements tend to be universal and can certainly resonate within the German population.
Universal Psychological Drivers of Extramarital Affairs
- Emotional Turmoil and Fulfillment: Many people engage in extramarital affairs to address emotional turmoil or to find emotional satisfaction they feel is absent in their current relationship[1][2]. This can stem from feelings of loneliness, dissatisfaction, or a yearning for excitement and novelty.
- Overextension in Relationships: Overextension, where one partner assumes excessive responsibilities, can create stress and an imbalance in relationships. This imbalance might lead individuals to seek validation or an escape through an affair[3].
- Poor Communication and Intimacy: Inadequate communication and a lack of intimacy within a marriage can foster an atmosphere where individuals seek emotional needs elsewhere. This may result from unresolved conflicts or unmet emotional needs.
- Mental Health Concerns and Coping Strategies: Some individuals may resort to affairs as a coping mechanism for mental health issues, such as anxiety or depression, instead of seeking professional help[2].
- Illusion and Escapism: The thrill and secrecy of an affair can provide a temporary escape from the monotony or dissatisfaction felt in a marriage[1].
Understanding these factors can help in identifying the root causes of extramarital affairs and promoting healthier relationship dynamics.
In the midst of a covert relationship with a married man, Katherina Hoch found solace in exploring the psychological drivers that lead to such behaviors. Emotional turmoil, a search for fulfillment, overextension in relationships, poor communication and intimacy, mental health concerns, and escapism can all influence an individual's decision to engage in extramarital affairs, including those in the German community. As she navigated her secret liaison, understanding these universal psychological factors helped her gain a deeper insight into her own actions and seek healthier relationship dynamics.
