Unbearable Yule Tunes: Songs that Grind Your Gears
Christmas tunes are supposed to spread cheer and joy during the holiday season, but for some, they only bring annoyance and frustration. Some songs seem to linger in our brains like a stuck record, while others are deeply embedded in our culture, even if our reactions to them lie beyond our control, akin to an inactive sleeper activated by a trigger code.
We may utter statements like, "If I had to hear Michael Bublé's gendered version of 'Santa Baby' one more time, I'd drive my car into a ditch." Despite not causing any harm to Bublé's talent or the substantial wealth he accrues, we recognize the influence this art has over us, whether we like it or not.
Excluding the angry response of about three people who genuinely enjoy "Christmas Shoes," it's impossible to create a definitive list of nerve-wracking Christmas songs, especially considering the counter-rage from individuals who begrudgingly adore the song. Nonetheless, we'll give it our best shot.
Songs that Make People Cringe
"Christmas Shoes"
Originally created and performed by NewSong, 2000
The sheer volume of discourse about offensive Christmas songs or simply stopping a passerby to ask their opinion on "Christmas Shoes" can ignite a unique form of rage. First released in 2000 by the Christian music group NewSong, this emotionally heartbreaking Christmas story tells of a young boy who attempts to buy his dying mother a pair of shoes before he outgrows them but is surprised by an unexpected turn of events. Even though "Weird Al" Yankovic, Rob Lowe, and over 12 million Spotify listeners have enjoyed its success, it remains at the top of many "Worst Christmas Songs" lists, featuring on this one as well.
"A Wonderful Christmas Time"
Written and performed by Paul McCartney, 1979
A qualified music expert would be required to explain why this seemingly joyful synthesizer tune from the Beatles causes one to cringe and scratch their head. In an interview with Mental Floss in 2021, musicologist Nate Sloan pointed out that the song's text and structure are "incredibly straightforward." Synthesizers and other instruments like glockenspiels and those machines that McCartney has in his house when inspiration strikes, along with other elements, are employed.
When it comes to Christmas music, synth-tone often tends towards an acoustic feel, extending into nostalgic sounds of traditional instruments. Sloan highlighted that the use of synthesizers in "A Wonderful Christmas Time" is "hackneyed and grating." In other words, it sounds like it was played on trash cans.
Despite this, it also enjoyed a high degree of popularity, reportedly yielding McCartney thousands of dollars in royalties annually.
"Do They Know It's Christmas?"
Written by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure, performed by Band Aid, 1984
The holiday season provides an excellent opportunity to discuss themes of gratitude, personal privilege, and whether 1.2 billion Africans living in over 50 countries and three major time zones are truly content with seasonal snowfall.
As one CNN employee put it, "On paper, it should be great. George Michael, Bob Geldof, Bono, Simon Le Bon, Phil Collins, Sting, Boy George – all the 80s icons came together for a good cause. But one gathered..." Avoid trying to recognize the superstar musicians with their disheveled hair in the video, and all that remains is repeating the agonizing refrain of "Feed The World."
Bob Geldof is graciously blamed for both "two of the worst songs in history," acknowledging that the other is "Women's World."
Dreadful Christmas Songs
"Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"
Written by Randy Brooks, sung by Elmo & Patsy, 1979
If the author of a brand-new Christmas song finds it strange that people continue to listen to it, then you know that song has become quite a phenomenon. Composed in 1979 (a seemingly challenging year for Christmas music) by Elmo Shropshire and his then-wife Patsy Trigg, the song started as a joke and was recorded multiple times after the divorce.
The song gained popularity across various recordings, stirring up divisions among radio stations and Christmas music enthusiasts, with 1985 marking its peak. In an effort to express frustration, a Davenport, Iowa, DJ played the song 27 times in 1985, pulling it off the air and pausing it repeatedly.
CNN Employee's Anonymous Opinion: "This song caused me to believe as a child that Rudolph had murdered the singer's grandmother."
"The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)"
Written by Ross Bagdasarian, 1958
"The Chipmunk Song" and all Alvin & the Chipmunks Christmas songs can technically be used for taping removal. That is, if it's acceptable. The song received three Grammy Awards in 1958, including Best Comedy Performance, Best Children's Recording, and Best Engineered Non-Classical Recording. It was even nominated for Record of the Year! Although the technological premise of speeding up a soundtrack to achieve the squeaky "Chipmunk" sound was sophisticated in its day, that charm has mostly dissipated, with the exception of kids and sadists.
CNN Employee's Anonymous Opinion: "As a child with two younger brothers, this entire Alvin & the Chipmunks album drove me to tears. The sound is annoying, leaving nothing but unpleasant memories."
"Santa Baby"
Written by Joan Javits and Philip Springer, sung by Eartha Kitt, 1953
Voted as the most hated Christmas song in a YouGov survey from 2021, "Santa Baby" cannot solely be blamed on its singer, Eartha Kitt. While the original version was criticized as inappropriate, numerous cover versions in subsequent decades haven't improved its reputation.
Some covers, such as Michael Bublé's version, try to soften the sexiness with lines like "I'll wait for you, dear Santa Claus, this evening, don't be late!" It doesn't succeed in its purpose, as evidenced by the significant negative and confused media reactions towards its release.
"Baby, It's Cold Outside"
Written by Frank Loesser, 1944
Controversy surrounds this Christmas song, with debates about whether the interplay between male and female voices refers to a harmonious sexual flirtation or an uncomfortably coded communication. In the early stages of the #MeToo movement, some radio stations even opted to skip it. As 2019 drew to a close, John Legend and Kelly Clarkson's updated version faced no less criticism.
One critic, Dean Martin's daughter Deanna Martin, described the new lyrics as "absolutely ridiculous."
Dreadful Christmas Songs - Part 2
![1977's infamous duet between David Bowie and Bing Crosby on "Little Drummer Boy."]
"Little Drummer Boy"
Written by Catherine Kennecott Davis, 1941
When participating in "Discourse of Nasty Christmas Songs," one often learns new and unexpected things. Like the fact that "Justin Bieber's 2011 cover of 'Little Drummer Boy'" exists, or "Busta Rhymes was named one of the 100 greatest Christmas songs of all time by Billboard."
One can't help but admire just how interesting this song is, whether it's your first time hearing it or your 50th. The "parum-pum-pum" can be grating, as well as the images of the Holy Family, overwhelmed and exhausted, surrounded by a herd of animals and forced to smile as they receive help from the little drummer boy.
CNN Employee's Anonymous Opinion: "There's a reason they don't have a little drummer boy with a drum in the nativity scene."
"Dominique the Donkey"
Written and performed by Lou Monte, 1960
For those who cannot stand this little song featuring an Italian donkey aiding Santa Claus with gift delivery, there is always someone to relentlessly defend it as charming or interesting. "How delightful!" they may say. "What an interesting concept!" For every one of these positive opinions, however, there is someone who has never wanted to hear it, unless they are forced to or highly inebriated. Ding ding ding, hihi!
The songs on this list, while not terrible by any means, can be highly annoying due to their ubiquity or negative associations. Repeated exposure during the holiday season can make even the most beloved carols feel tedious to some listeners.
Related content:
- "The Sunset Street Song Contest" charted high popularity with Travis Barker and Greta Van Fleet's take on "Little Drummer Boy," which has also been criticized as a nerve-wracking Christmas song.
- "The Subject of Unwanted Christmas Songs" ranked "Little Drummer Boy" as a key topic in the "Stories to Inspire" series. Many readers found it fascinating to see how an unknown song from 1941 dismantled by a burgeoning Hollywood star.
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The most hated Christmas songs, according to various sources, include:
- "All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey:
- While popular, it is often criticized for repetition and overexposure during the holiday season.
- "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas, Don't Be Late)" by Alvin and the Chipmunks:
- The high-pitched singing can be grating for some listeners.
- "Feliz Navidad":
- Overexposure during the holiday season can make this song annoyingly familiar to some listeners.
- "Santa Baby" by Eartha Kitt (and various covers):
- Criticized for being inappropriately suggestive for a holiday song, particularly when covered by contemporary artists. Michael Bublé's version has been singled out for criticism.
These songs are disliked not just because of their musical qualities but also because of their overplay and negative associations some people have with them. Repetition and ubiquity during the holiday season can make these songs feel more grating than enjoyable to some listeners.
