Champion wrestled with personal turmoil: His children received a letter he hoped would remain unopened.
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Golf superstar, Gary Woodland, climbed career peaks in 2019, victoriously winning the US Open. But a few years later, Woodland found himself grappling with a harrowing rollercoaster of fear, anxiety, and the specter of death itself. In an interview at The Players Championship, he candidly shared his harrowing ordeal with CNN Sports.
"It was a living nightmare," he confessed. "From driving my car, flying in airplanes, walking down the street - everything felt like the end of days for me."
Unexpectedly, Woodland found himself paralyzed by anxiety and the lingering fear of dying. His focus was evaporating, and his stamina was depleting. His doctors uncovered a benign brain lesion triggering seizures and exerting pressure on his amyggdala, a region known to stimulate fear and anxiety responses.
Remarkably, Woodland continued to play golf despite the first terrifying wake-up call in April at the Mexico Open, securing eight cuts in his next ten tournaments. Medication helped, but the symptoms worsened, burdening his family life significantly.
"It was hard on my wife, my three young kids," he recalled. "When they got excited, I had to leave the room because my brain couldn't handle the excitement. They don't understand why I need to retreat into a dark room to calm down. That was devastating for me."
He added poignantly, "My wife had to ensure I was okay every day and raise the kids by herself. On top of that, I'm still trying to play golf. It was tough."
The painful memories of his struggle linger on Woodland's face, recalling the intensity of his experience. When the torment reached an uncontrollable level, he and his wife were left with one final option: surgery.
In August 2023, Woodland courageously disclosed his condition to the golf media, and underwent surgery the following month. Doctors performed a craniotomy, carefully cutting a hole the size of a baseball in the left side of his head, managing to remove as much of the growth as possible. A titanium plate now seals the hole.
Woodland attributes the immediate relief to the surgery, but he has never taken his recovery for granted. In the days leading up to the procedure, he sat down to pen emotional letters to his wife, Gabby, and their three young children. He shared, "It was brutal. I reached out to a friend who's in the military, deployed multiple times, and asked how he coped with going into battle and the idea of death. He said that writing letters to loved ones, just in case, had been a significant help."
'The most difficult challenge I've ever faced'
At the time, Woodland's children were all six years old or younger. He wrote each of them a letter, hoping they would never have to read it. For his twin daughters, Maddox, and Lennox, he strove to find the right words and ensure the length was equivalent to avoid any sense of favoritism.
"And then my son, he's surrounded by girls. I'm the big guy in his life," he said.
Woodland wanted to reassure his son, Jaxson, that he would always have assistance if needed.
"'Daddy's got a big team around him. They're your team now. There's a lot of people who will be there for you,'" he shared. "It was the most difficult challenge I've ever faced. But I'm glad I did it."
Woodland believes the worst of his experience is now behind him, but it will be impossible to forget. His doctors monitor what remains of the lesion through regular MRI scans, and he has developed coping mechanisms because, as he says, "I still face battles every day."
Yoga and breathwork now serve as Woodland's weapons against the lingering sense of fear. He's learned that the notion of dread that might still surface is just an illusion.
"I have things to live for that help me reclaim the life I once loved. It's a lot more exhilarating now than it was a couple of years ago," he said.
'I'm incredibly grateful to be here'
Over the last three years, PGA Tour stars have graced the screens of Netflix's "Full Swing." Due to his condition, Woodland didn't make his debut until episode six of the third season.
In stark contrast to the glamorous lifestyle typically associated with professional golfers, Woodland's personal struggle is shown in intimate detail.
"My kids loved the camera!" he jokes. "But it was incredibly challenging for my wife and me. But we did it to help someone. I'm blessed to have the incredible support I do, and it pains me to think there might be someone out there without the same level of support. Whether it's mental, physical, or health-related, we all face battles. I hope someone sees me and realizes they're not alone in their journey."
Just two days after his surgery, Woodland was practicing putting in his dining room. Three days later, his father drove him to the driving range, and less than four months after that, he was teeing off at the Sony Open in Hawaii. The physical wounds healed quickly, but he underestimated the mental and emotional toll recovery would take.
"From a stimulation standpoint, I didn't realize just how difficult it would be. There's a lot more that goes into a golf tournament than just showing up and playing four rounds," he shared.
In 2024, he missed the cut in 40% of the tournaments he played, and only once did he manage a top-10 finish.
However, this year, Woodland is rediscovering his passion for golf.
"I was blessed with a fair amount of talent," he explained. "When this game was almost taken away from me, I realized how much I adore not only the golf itself, but the world we inhabit. The golfing community supported me like family. I'm incredibly grateful to be here."
- Gary Woodland, despite suffering from seizures caused by a benign brain lesion that impacted his golf game, continued to play and managed to secure eight cuts in his next ten tournaments, displaying great resilience in his sport.
- In an effort to cope with his anxiety and fear, Woodland, during his struggle, sought advice from a friend who was a military veteran, learning that writing letters to his family members was beneficial in dealing with the idea of death.
- Woodland, while bravely talking about his personal struggles, used the opportunity provided by the Netflix series "Full Swing" to shed light on the challenges faced by professional golfers, emphasizing the importance of support in facing both physical and emotional battles.
