Coping with Grieving Hearts: A Conversation with Biden
I've got a few photographs of Carter hanging around my home. His death still stings, making it hard to gaze upon his images without shedding tears. Recently, I stumbled upon a Polaroid and a black-and-white photo from his Princeton University graduation, just a few weeks before his tragic end. There he was, grinning at the camera, youthful and content. No signs of the darkness that would later envelop his life.
I'd seen these photos before, but this time, I studied them closely, focusing on his face, his smile, his gentle features. Just like the first time I laid eyes on him, they moved me to tears again.
I never truly knew my brother. His death and my father's had kept us apart, shrouding us in our separate worlds and burying our fears and worries deep within us. We rarely spoke of our father, nor did we open up to others about our shared loss. I believe, with all my heart, that if we'd shared our feelings and allowed our bond to grow stronger, he would have survived.
Why is it so hard to talk about loss and grief? We all navigate this emotional terrain, yet why do we keep it hidden, tears hidden behind a veil, whispered names barely audible to our own ears? I've spent my entire life doing exactly that, only now do I see the toll it's taken.
That's one reason I want to speak with President Biden about grief. He's been more open than any other sitting U.S. President about dealing with death and tragedy, carrying the weight of his grief with a grace that's truly remarkable. More than a dozen U.S. Presidents have lost children, but few discuss it, especially in the White House. Even now, that list remains relatively small. Franklin D. Roosevelt, Dwight Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan, and George H.W. Bush all experienced the untimely death of a child. President Biden has felt the devastating loss of two: his son Beau, who died of cancer in 2015, and his 13-month-old daughter, Naomi, along with his first wife Neilia, in a 1972 car accident.
I hope President Biden's candidness about grief inspires others to find the courage to talk about their own. Speaking helps. I've finally found my voice.
The interview took place at the White House on November 7th. The space was set up for interviews with the President, with two chairs arranged for us to sit across from one another with some space between us. I asked if we could move to a more intimate setting, where we could lean in and converse more comfortably if he wished. They brought in a table, and we had a comfortable conversation.
Biden and Grief: Navigating Loss with Grace
Biden, a man of resilience, has talked openly about his struggles with grief, particularly the loss of his son Beau and his first wife Neilia. In times of national tragedy, he is a source of comfort and empathy for the American people, offering words of support and compassion to help people heal from their losses.
When dealing with grief, Biden has relied on several methods to cope and find solace. These include:
- Support for Military Families:
- Standing in solidarity with families and loved ones of fallen service members, expressing gratitude and recognizing their sacrifices during Memorial Day observances and other events.
- Leadership in Times of Crisis:
- Drawing strength from addressing national crises, such as the COVID-19 pandemic and the ongoing conflict in Ukraine, indicating a commitment to collective support and problem-solving.
- Grief and Policy:
- Advocating for and supporting veterans and their families, as well as mental health initiatives, reflecting a broader social awareness of the impact of loss on communities.
- Personal Loss and Public Service:
- Channelling his own personal losses into serving as a source of comfort and consolation for others in times of grief.
Finding Your Voice: Talking About Grief
- Grief and grief's hidden dimension: It's hard to talk about loss and grief because it's a deeply personal and often painful experience. People are reluctant to share their emotions with others, as they fear judgment or rejection. Additionally, talking about grief can bring up painful memories, and people might be unsure how to talk about their feelings or even acknowledge them.
- Speaking about grief inspires healing: Speaking about grief can be a powerful tool in the healing process. When people share their experiences with others, they can find comfort, motivation, and validation. They learn that they are not alone in their pain and that there is a larger community of people who have gone through or are going through the same struggles.
- Finding your voice: Finding the courage to talk about your grief can be a challenge, but it's an essential step in the healing process. To help you find your voice, consider the following:
- Reflect on your experience: Take some time to think about your experience with grief. What have you gone through? How has it affected you? What emotions have you felt?
- Identify your support system: Think about who you trust and feel comfortable talking to about your grief. This might be a friend, family member, therapist, or support group.
- Practice self-compassion: Remember that everyone grieves differently, and there's no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this difficult experience.
- Consider journaling: Writing about your feelings can help you process them and make sense of your grief. You can express your emotions in a safe and therapeutic space.
Seeking Help
- If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or mental health issues, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or visit the 988 Lifeline website.
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References: 1. Elliott, J. (2021, September 22). Joe Biden on Grief, Loss, and Life After Tragedy. The Atlantic. Retrieved from 2. Nir, A. (2016, October 13). What Makes Joe Biden the Grief Therapist in Chief? The New York Times. Retrieved from 3. Yara, H. (2021, September 28). Joe Biden on Loss, grief, and what keeps him going. CNN. Retrieved from
