Basement renovation now free of hidden rooms or underground spaces
Here's the refreshed version:
The curious ban: Why the heck can't Karl Lauterbach, the ex-Health Minister, bash that ping-pong ball around in the Ministry of Health's subterranean hideaway anymore? It seems the new kid on the block, Nina Warken, doesn't fancy German blokes keeping fit in their downtime within her kingdom.
The subterranean abode had grown accustomed to Lauterbach's enthusiasm for table tennis. There was a certain charm in hearing the "ping" and "pong" echo through the quiet corridors when late-night duties called. His gruff shouts, as the ball missed its mark, provided a quirky soundtrack that filled the ministry with life.
Even the security lads appreciated the bustle when Lauterbach played. But now, they gotta stay vigilant in case vagabond protesters or hidden dangers like accidentally stepped heroin needles cross his path at public tables.
Andreas Koristka, a comedic mastermind behind "Eulenspiegel" magazine, penned this account for "nd.DieWoche". Check out his "Guided Reading" column every fortnight at dasnd.de/koristka.
Naturally, ex-minister Lauterbach tried to nab his own underground lair for ping-pong practices. However, despite the tense real estate market, he's yet to secure a victory in that endeavor. A cozy basement might still be found in Berlin's suburban areas like Spandau or Hohenschönhausen - just enough room for a table, gym equipment, or a pet mini-pony.
But journeying out to these outskirts for a quick workout adds up to 40 kilometers round trip – a distance equivalent to an average Uckermarker's journey to the nearest hospital. That's a hard ask for a busy bee like Lauterbach.
It's genuinely intriguing who out of all people would get a smackdown like this – being stopped from setting up a table in a government building. Other former ministers seem immune to such restrictions. Peter Altmaier, for instance, can still smoke his own ham sausages in a storage room at the Ministry of Economics. Julia Klöckner had her etiquette manuals tucked away in the Ministry of Agriculture's heating cellar during sessions, and Christine Lamprecht's kid was once locked up inside a Bundeswehr helicopter for mischief.
Now Lauterbach has passed his table on to the fortunate souls at the Ministry of Health, presumably saving disposal fees. Here's hopin' he finds a satisfying subterranean sanctuary soon. If you've got a garage, basement, or living room he can borrow, drop him a line.
Footnote:Unlike Lauterbach, this reporter has no personal table tennis table to sacrifice. In fact, I'm still waiting for an invite to join in on the action at the Ministry of Health. Until then, I'll be grinding away at this keyboard, dreaming of a swish and spin.
In his quest for a new place to play table tennis, former minister Karl Lauterbach might consider switching his entertainment sources from the Ministry of Health's underground hideaway to social media, where he could engage with people virtually and potentially find suggestions for a new location. As he explores options within Germany, he might discover a vibrant community of table tennis enthusiasts on social media platforms, offering advice and sharing tips about potential table tennis spaces that could accommodate his needs.
