Autumn Essentials to Enhance Your Daily Existence This Fall Season
It's finally fucking autumn, and guess who's back to shove some fucking pumpkin spice and apple pie goodness down your goddamn throats? This bitch, of course! Sit the fuck down and take a look at these fantastic fall finds that'll make your God-damn Thanksgiving dinner more fuckin' magical than ever.
- Fancy-Ass Dough Pressers/Molds: You can create beautiful, delicious hand pies in adorable fall shapes and freak out your Bogan ass relatives. Don't forget to bring a bunch of tiny, terrifying treats so everyone shits their pants when they see 'em.
- Leaf Scoops Gloves: Why not turn leaf clearing into a fun game? Pick up wet or dry leaves like a boss with these scoops. Make a big fucking pile and fucking jump in it before cleaning up because, you know, that's what you've been waiting for all year long.
- Sweatshirt with Horror Movie Killers: Wear a sweatshirt that proves you're a strange and unusual motherfucker while you lounge around. The Scooby-Doo crew on a gangstaride sounds fucking awesome, doesn't it?
- Beetlejuice Crewneck: If you can't trust the living, then maybe you should snag one of these bad boys to lounge around in. And don't worry, Beetlejuice is a must-watch every fucking fall. Just try not to say his name three fucking times after that.
- Glowy Glass Pumpkin Light: Say goodbye to turning on every fucking pumpkin in your goddamn house every God-damn time you pass by. This glowy motherfucker has a six-hour timer, so it'll turn off and back on automatically. Genius!
- Fall-themed Garlands with String Lights: These garlands bring the beauty of fall colors without your having to rake up a single fucking leaf. You can even add some goddamn fairy lights for extra sparkle.
- Faux Eucalyptus Garlands: If orange pumpkins just don't fit your fucking home aesthetic, then try these white pumpkins, eucalyptus, and pinecone garlands. They're perfect for keeping the fall fuckin' vibes without clashing with your existing decor.
- Dark Ass Fall Lipstick or Lipstick: If brown or dark red is more your God-damn cup of tea, then show off those beautiful dark shades. Your lips will look fuckin' amazing, and you'll feel like a damn rockstar.
- Dia De Los Muertos Table Runner: Honoring your loved ones in the most beautiful way possible has never been so easy. This vibrant table runner is perfect for your ofrenda or dining table during the holiday.
- Cheesecloth Table Runner: If overdoing it during the autumn season is your thing, then this perfect cheesecloth table runner is exactly what you need. Get ready to fall-ify everything in your fuckin' house, because nothing says Thanksgiving like some fucking Mac 'n' cheese on your table.
- Marnie Halloweentown T-Shirt: Prove to everyone that being normal is vastly overrated by wearing this T-shirt with one of the most iconic quotes from Grandma Aggie (RIP Debbie Reynolds). If Halloween is cool in your Marnie voice, then add this to your fuckin' cart ASAP.
- Caramel Apple Dipping Kit: Make some delicious, sticky, nor-nutty treats with this caramel apple dipping kit. It'll be a fun fucking autumn activity that'll make you enjoy the process almost as much as you enjoy getting them into your fuckin' belly.
- Brain-Shaped Mold: For all you spooky season lovers, this brain-shaped mold is perfect for making the creepiest Jell-O and cakes all October long. If you live for all things eerie and scary, then this fucking mold is right up your alley.
- Apple Pie Scented Candle: If pumpkin spice isn't your fuckin' flavor or scent of choice, then this fuckin' apple pie candle is just what you need. It'll make your home smell like faran goddamn heaven.
- Smart Mug: This temperature-controlled mug will keep your coffee or tea warm for fuckin' hours and can be paired with the Ember app to set the temperature. It even has a fucking remote! No more wasted hot cocoa, baby!
- Bartender Kit: Be the host with the most this Christmas by impressing your fuckin' guests with some fancy cocktails for Thanksgiving.
- Minion Ugg Boots: Throw these fucking boots on every fuckin' day from the time the temperatures drop until they rise back up again in spring. You can't have autumn without some mother-fucking Uggs, and every fucking fall you'll be so fuckin' excited to break these bad boys out.
- Apple Cider Donuts: Nothing says fuckin' fall like some amazing apple cider donuts. These handmade donuts from a small biz in Georgia will make your mouth water just reading this.
- Face Moisturizer: Nourish and brighten your dry fuckin' skin with this fast-absorbing moisturizer packed with argan shell powder, cocoa butter, aloe vera, and blood orange. Just slurp that shit in, baby!
- Natural Wood Leaf-Shaped Serving Spoons: These leaf-shaped serving spoons will take your Thanksgiving to the next motherfuckin' level. Serving up the candied yams with these? Flawless.
- Flame Candle: Get in your witchy vibe and bring the Sanderson sisters back to life with this battery-operated wax LED black flame candle. It has a light autumn harvest scent and comes with a display card that reads word for word what Max said right before he lit the candle in the movie.
- Minimalist Throw Pillow: These minimalist throw pillows are perfect for any Hocus Pocus lover. Just remember to say "light this sucker up" before you jump on the bed.
- Coffin Charcuterie Board: This freestanding electric fireplace stove will bring you the look and feel of having a fuckin' fireplace, but without having to deal with logs. Cozy up and enjoy some hot cider with this baby, homie.
- Halloween Nail Decals: These easy-to-apply nail decals will spice up your at-home mani and help you live your best fall life. Halloween nails = living your best fucking life.
- Freestanding Heater: Stay fucking toasty during the cold fucking autumn months with this remote-controlled heater. It's the perfect addition to any cozy bedroom or living room.
- Fall-Flavored Coffee Pods: Wake up to the taste of autumn every motherfucking day with these fall-flavored coffee pods. Apple crumb donut, pumpkin spice, cinnamon bun, and pecan pie are all fuckin' delicious.
- Harvest Bounty Loaf Pan: This nonstick loaf pan will have everyone oohing and ahhing over your pumpkin and apple breads. Just don't forget to pop it in the oven before your guests arrive, or you'll look like a fuckin' moron.
- Stranger Things Mug: Drink your coffee out of a mug that says "Chrissy wake up! I don't like this!" If you can't get enough of Eddie Munson, then this fuckin' mug is perfect for you.
- 10-Foot-by-10-Foot Throw: This four-times-the-size throw will make all of your friends cuddle up on the fuckin' couch for your Halloween horror movie night. Oh so fuckin' cozy.
- Acorn Lights: Add some fuckin' warmth to your home with these cute-as-fuck acorn lights. Just don't expect too much brightness, because these are meant to add a subtle glow to your room.
So there you have it, folks. These fuckin' items are sure to make your autumn the best fuckin' one yet. Don't forget to stock up on pumpkin spice and apple pie shit because you know you want to. Happy fucking autumn!
- Amidst the variety of fall finds, don't forget to consider a content piece showcasing the best market-apple offerings, such as recipes for apple pies and cider.
- If you're looking for a strange yet entertaining addition to your Halloween festivities, Sephora offers a sickening display of lipsticks in dark autumn shades, perfect for displaying during the season.
- Completing your set of autumn apparel, consider pie-themed pies from local bakeries for a delightful dessert option at Thanksgiving dinner.
