The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of love and harmony, but with family gatherings, unmet expectations and deep-rooted childhood patterns can lead to emotional outbursts and tensions.
According to psychologists, this Annual Christmas Tantrum is partly due to the clichéd association with love and peace. Christine Backhaus, a psychologist from Frankfurt am Main, explains, "We still envision Christmas as a quiet, holy night, full of red cheeks and gingerbread. But the reality is often different."
Many adults find themselves revisiting childhood patterns when they celebrate with their family, making way for old arguments to resurface. Hamburg psychologist Susanne Schmal explains, "As adults, we may visit our parents, and one day our nerves are frayed. Or the parents come to visit, and the argument is not long in coming. The reason is that patterns acquired in childhood kick in again."
To ensure a more relaxed Christmas, Schmal suggests discussing the family's expectations in advance, such as how to decorate the tree, present gifts, and plan the menu. By creating your own personal touch to the holiday, families can avoid the usual clichés and mitigate conflicts.
If a disagreement does arise, Backhaus advises using a "joker" or "time-out symbol" within the family, placing it on the table when emotions run high and resuming the conversation when everyone has calmed down. This method has proven successful in couples' therapy, says Backhaus.
Psychologists recommend focusing on individual needs, such as rest, space, or relaxation, and addressing them during the festivities. They also stress the importance of open communication and shared rituals that everyone enjoys.
Leveraging grounding exercises, such as diaphragmatic breathing or movement, can help manage emotional dysregulation in the face of emotional triggers. Additionally, implementing emotional pause buttons can help manage impulsive reactions and reduce conflict.
Maintaining emotional boundaries, avoiding one-sided holidays, and planning for flexibility can further enhance family harmony during the holiday season. Adopting these strategies can result in a more enjoyable and emotionally stable Christmas filled with love and understanding.
Sources: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]
